In which Conor Steals Neo's Money & Neo Steals Conor's Jacket

Written by Anakin McFly

K-SWAT HQ: TECHNICAL SUPPORT

You step through the doorway into a small part of another world; they say this dingy apartment once belonged to Neo. But he's gone now, and there's no sense in letting all his equipment go to waste, and this place is now the official headquarters of the Keanu SWAT Team's technical support. Bits of technological debris litter the desk. The phone has been disconnected; some creepy landlady kept calling and asking for rent.

LucaM: pssst ... there should be some money in that hollow book. Unless Connor's been here first, that is .

Anakin_McFly: It's Conor. ONE 'n'. >:(
...
*goes off to bookshelf*
*pulls out Simulacra and Simulation*
*opens book*

uh. there's a note.

Neo, hope you don't mind, but I think I need this more than you do.
- Conor O'Neill

:\

#

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – NIGHT

There is a loud knock on the door. Conor jolts out of his sleep. He sits up in bed and stares warily at the door.

Another knock.

Conor gets off his bed and grabs for his trusty baseball bat. Wielding it, he approaches the door and yanks it open.

NEO stands outside. He looks at the baseball bat.

Conor lowers it.

CONOR
What are you doing here?

NEO
You took my money.

CONOR
No I didn't.

NEO
You wrote a note.

CONOR
...yeah, I forgot.

Neo sticks out his hand.

CONOR
What?

NEO
My money. Give it back.

CONOR
You don't need it.

NEO
It's mine.

CONOR
You don't even live there anymore.
You don't need money. It's not even real for you.

NEO
Give it back.

CONOR
See this baseball bat?

NEO
I know kung fu.

CONOR
...

NEO
You still have it, don't you?

CONOR
Well, uh... not... um. Not really.

Neo stares at him.

NEO
You're hopeless, you know that?

CONOR
Yeah.

Neo shakes his head and walks off.

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – LATER THAT NIGHT

A loud bang on his door jolts Conor out of bed again.

VOICE (O.S.)
O'NEILL!

CONOR
...

Conor picks his trusty bat up once again and cautiously approaches the door. He opens it a crack and sees LUDLOW glaring at him, Neo standing innocently behind.

CONOR
Shit.

Conor tries to slam the door shut as Ludlow attempts to push it open; in a last, desperate burst of energy, Conor manages to close it on him and lock it.

LUDLOW
Open this f---ing door right now!

Conor drops the bat and drags the table over to block the door. The door shakes as Ludlow tries to break it down from the other side.

Conor runs over to his bed, pulls out the $2.54 from under his mattress, pockets it, does the same with the small interdimensional travel device thingy on his bedside table, then legs it to the window as the top of his door falls in.

Conor pulls open his window and climbs out and down out of sight as the rest of the door collapses onto the table and Ludlow barges in looking pissed off.

Ludlow sees the open window. He runs over to it and looks down to see Conor dropping off onto the street and running.

LUDLOW
You can't run forever!

CONOR
F--- you, Ludlow! *runs*

Neo sinks down on Conor's bed and picks at the sheets.

Ludlow gives a final glare out the window, then pulls his head back in. He surveys the room with distaste.

LUDLOW
This place is a wreck.

NEO
The door's your fault.

Ludlow gives Neo a pre-glare, then remembers that, while Neo may suck at getting his money back on his own, Neo also knows kung fu.

LUDLOW
I don't suppose there's anything in here worth two grand.

EXT – STREET – NIGHT

Conor runs into some dingy alley and stops to catch his breath. There's a payphone not that far off. He goes over to it and takes the interdimensional travel device thingy (hereafter known as the ITDT) out of his pocket and fiddles with the settings; then he holds it up to the phone, hears a click, and picks up the receiver after a nervous glance outside in case Ludlow had followed him that far.

He hears the phone ringing, and then finally someone picks up.

CONOR
Hey, Alex, it's Conor; can I drop by? Ludlow's after me 'cos I, uh, lost some money.

ALEX (filtered)
...I don't run a hotel.

CONOR
I don't think you understand. If Ludlow finds me, I'm dead, okay?

ALEX (filtered)
I'm sorry, Conor. I've got plans for tonight.

CONOR
He's gonna kill me.

ALEX
I doubt that. Look, you can't just keep running over here whenever you need refuge. I have my own life to lead.

CONOR
But-

ALEX
I'm sorry. Goodbye.

Alex hangs up.
Conor takes a deep breath and hangs up the receiver.

CONOR
Okay, O'Neill, calm down, calm down...

He changes the settings on the ITDT; holds it back towards the phone again, hears another click, and picks up the receiver.

The other side picks up.

CONOR
Uh, hi, Mr. Reeves...

#

EXT – REEVES RESIDENCE – PAST MIDNIGHT

Carrying a mugful of Bordeaux wine, Keanu opens his door and sees Conor standing there, casting the occasional fitful glance into the darkness.

CONOR
Hi.

Conor sticks his hands into his pockets.

CONOR
Can I come in?

Keanu lets him in and shuts the door. He puts his mug of wine down on the table, then stands there, arms folded, and looks at Conor. Keanu shakes his head. He picks up the bottle of wine and offers it.

KEANU
Want some?

CONOR
Yeah. Sure. Thanks.

Keanu pours him a cup and re-folds his arms.

KEANU
So what is it now?

Conor scratches his neck.

CONOR
Uh.

He takes a swig from the cup.

CONOR
I kinda took some money from Neo, 'cos I didn't think he needed it, I mean, he doesn't live there any more. He doesn't need the money. But I did, and-

KEANU
How much?

Conor shrugs.

CONOR
Two grand. Thought I could use it to win some money back. I owe this guy ten, because I took a loan to... to pay back this other bet that I lost, but I lost that one too, so now I'm... seventeen grand short.

Keanu just looks at him.

Conor gets uncomfortable under his stare and drinks more wine.

There is a KNOCK on the door.

LUDLOW (O.S.)
O'NEILL! ARE YOU IN THERE?

Conor coughs out his last gulp of wine and slams the cup down on the table.

CONOR
Shit shit shit shit shit-

Conor dives under the couch to hide. His foot sticks out, because he sucks at hiding. Keanu nudges it under the couch and goes to answer the door.

KEANU
Hi.

LUDLOW
Is Conor there?

KEANU
Nope.

Ludlow raises an eyebrow at him.

Keanu raises an eyebrow back at him.

Neo shuffles around uncomfortably and kicks at the gravel.

Back in the house, Conor decides that the couch is a lousy hiding place.

He makes a mad dash out from under it and promptly knocks over a table. Things crash to the ground and make lots of noise.

Keanu mentally facepalms.

Ludlow pushes his way past him into the house as Conor attempts to disentangle himself from the wire trailing the fallen lamp.

Conor gets up and tries to run, when Ludlow grabs him and slams him against the wall. Keanu sighs.

LUDLOW
Still think you can run, O'Neill?

CONOR
I don't have the money, I swear!

LUDLOW
Oh yeah?

Ludlow makes a quick search around. Without letting go of Conor, he reaches out and grabs the phonebook off the table.

KEANU
Whoa! Okay, not in here-

Ludlow ignores him and BASHES Conor in the head with the phonebook. Conor yells in pain.

KEANU
Hey! No phonebook warfare-

Ludlow hits Conor again with the phonebook, sending him crumpling to the ground and yelling, and manages to get in a third one before Keanu gets behind him and tries to wrestle the phonebook out of his hands.

Neo stands watching and looking slightly guilty.

Conor, bruised and with a nice nosebleed, starts crawling away to safety, which he has decided is the room next to them.

LUDLOW
You're harbouring a thief!

KEANU
I don't care. You don't. Hit. People. With. Phonebooks. Give me that!

Ludlow finally relinquishes his grasp on the phonebook. He glares at Keanu, who dumps the now-battered phonebook onto the couch.

KEANU
Get out of my house.

LUDLOW
Who do you think you are?

Neo starts muttering something about sequels and being careful.

Keanu points a finger out the door. Ludlow gives him a final glare and walks off. Neo looks apologetic, then follows Ludlow out. The door slams shut.

INT – RANDOM BEDROOM – MIDNIGHT

Conor's foot is sticking out from under the bed because he sucks at hiding. Keanu enters.

KEANU
Get out from there.

Conor crawls out and stands up. He wipes a hand across his bloody nose and looks at it.

KEANU
This is the last time, okay?

Conor nods.

Keanu holds out a wad of notes. Conor's eyes go wide.

KEANU
Twenty thousand. After this, I'm not bailing you out again.

Conor reaches out for the cash.

KEANU
Pay off whoever you have to, and then just stop. No more gambling. Start over.

Conor reaches out for the cash.

KEANU
Do you promise me that?

Conor nods and reaches out for the cash. Keanu hands it over. Conor flips through the notes in awe. Then he remembers, and looks back up:

CONOR
Uh. Thanks.

Keanu claps him on the back.

KEANU
Wash that blood off your face and go home. And if you see Ludlow, tell him he owes me a new phonebook.

#

A FEW DAYS LATER

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – DAY

Ludlow counts the notes of money. Conor stands and waits, fingers tapping fitfully on the table.

CONOR
Well.

Ludlow finishes counting.

LUDLOW
Two grand. Where did you get it?

Conor scowls at him. Ludlow gives up and pockets the cash.

LUDLOW
Right.

CONOR
Reeves says you owe him a new phonebook.

Ludlow looks at him, incredulous contempt growing on his face.

LUDLOW
He did, did he?

Conor shrugs.

CONOR
Hey, I'm just the messenger.

EXT – REEVES RESIDENCE – DAY

A loud banging on the door wakes Keanu up at the unearthly hour of 10am.

He rolls off the couch where he had fallen asleep the previous night. He likes couches.

He makes his way to the door and opens it. Ludlow is standing there holding a **NEW PHONEBOOK**.

KEANU
Hi, Tom.

Ludlow gives him a murderous glare.

KEANU
Is that for me?

LUDLOW
Yeah. Where'd you like it? In your face?

KEANU
No, actually the table would do just fine.

A smirk starts making its way across Ludlow's face. Keanu starts thinking that this was a bad idea, and that he should just settle for his old phonebook, because it's not as though it can't be used any more-

LUDLOW
I could kill you, you know that? If I wanted to. Right now.

Keanu looks at the **NEW PHONEBOOK** and decides that it would be unwise to argue.

LUDLOW
And all the police will find, when they arrive, would be you lying dead on the floor in a bloody mess, holding on to a battered phonebook covered with your own fingerprints.

Keanu starts to regret taking up that script.

LUDLOW
I'd just like you to keep that in mind.

Ludlow holds out the **NEW PHONEBOOK**. Keanu looks at it warily, and then takes it.

LUDLOW
I'll be watching you, Reeves.

Ludlow turns and leaves, then disappears away home.

Keanu looks at the **NEW PHONEBOOK**.

**NEW PHONEBOOK**
:)

KEANU
:)?

**NEW PHONEBOOK**
:).

#

A FEW DAYS LATER AFTER ALL DEBTS HAVE BEEN PAID

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – NIGHT

Conor lies fast asleep on the bed.

The window slowly opens. Neo crawls in and lands somewhat painfully on the floor.

Neo gets up and squints in the darkness. He tries to feel his way around the room, his hands landing on such variant things as the table and the bedpost and Conor's foot.

Neo stubs his toe on something.

NEO
(quietly)
#@$!

Finally he finds the closet and opens it. A few pieces of clothing hang on hangers or lie on the bottom of the closet. Neo feels for the awesome leather jacket, finds it, and triumphantly – as triumphantly as Neo can get – pulls it off the hanger.

Neo puts it on, then shuts the closet door and starts making his way back to the window.

Conor mutters something and rolls over and snores.

Neo stubs his toe on something else.

NEO
(quietly)
@#*&$#!

He arrives at the open window and climbs out, then shuts it.

INT – NEBUCHADNEZZAR – DAY

TRINITY looks suspiciously at Neo.

TRINITY
Where did you get that jacket?

NEO
Huh? Oh... that. Yeah. What's for breakfast?

Trinity raises an eyebrow. Neo looks uncomfortable and tries to move off to the mess hall.

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – DAY

Conor wakes up and gets groggily off his bed. He goes to his closet and opens it. He stands there looking blearily inside. He shifts the hangers about. He looks at the clothes on the floor and pokes about those.

CONOR
:\

Conor leaves the closet and looks under his bed. He lifts up the sheets. He pulls open the drawers.

CONOR
:/

Conor goes back to the closet and looks through his clothes again, one by one. He still can't find his awesome leather jacket.

He goes on with his day not quite able to concentrate on anything.

#

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – DAY

The place is a mess – more of a mess than it usually is. Conor's few posessions are lying all around as he desperately roots through them in search of his missing jacket, looking increasingly distraught.

His interdimensional travel device thingy was in his jacket pocket. He's stuck in his world.

...Although he doesn't really care about that, because the loss of an interdimensional travel device thingy is nothing when compared to the loss of a really cool leather jacket.

Conor drops down onto the floor and gazes desperately at the ceiling. It gives him no answers. He gives the place a last frantic look, then gets up and leaves his apartment to search the corridor.

INT – NEBUCHADNEZZAR – MESS HALL

MORPHEUS
Where'd you get that jacket?

NEO
Oh... that. Yeah.

Neo continues eating.

Morpheus raises an eyebrow and looks bald. Neo ignores him.

MORPHEUS
They don't make leather jackets in Zion.

Neo continues eating and wishes people would stop staring. Maybe he shouldn't wear it. But that would kind of defeat the purpose of having a really cool leather jacket.

TRINITY
Neo.

Neo continues eating and not looking at people because then they might see the guilt in his eyes.

He wishes he was a good liar.

MORPHEUS
They only make leather jackets in the Matrix, and you can't take things out of there.

Neo senses an opportunity:

NEO
But I'm the One.

MORPHEUS
So you got it from the Matrix?

Neo gives a vague and unconvincing shrug and goes back to eating, wishing that he hadn't said anything.

He passes the rest of the day under suspicious gazes.

#

INT – NEO'S CABIN – NIGHT

Neo lies down on his bunk, still wearing Conor's jacket. He feels a bulge; rolls over, and discovers something in the pocket. He digs his hand in and retrieves the interdimensional travel device thing.

Neo looks at it and looks guilty.

INT – CONOR'S APARTMENT – NIGHT

The window slowly opens. Neo cautiously climbs in, no longer wearing the jacket, Conor's ITDT in his hand.

Neo stubs his toe on something.

NEO
(quietly, but not quietly enough)
#@$%!

On the bed, Conor wakes. He lays still, noting the open window and the figure hopping around in the dark grabbing his toe.

His hand inches slowly towards his trusty baseball bat next to his bed. His fingers close over it. Conor steels himself, then jumps out of bed, gets tangled in the sheets, and WHACKS Neo as he falls over.

NEO
ARGGGGGGH!!!

Conor stumbles back to his feet, yelling.

CONOR
Who the f*** are you? What are you doing in here?

Neo dodges the second bat whack. Conor finds the light switch and hits it.

The lights come on. Neo stands there looking guilty and in pain.

CONOR
...Neo.

NEO
...uh, hi.

CONOR
You climbed through my window?

NEO
...

Conor notices the ITDT in Neo's hand.

CONOR
What-

Conor grabs it and turns it over. His name is written in marker on the back. He looks back up at Neo.

CONOR
This was in my jacket. You stole my jacket?

NEO
...You stole my money.

CONOR
You stole my jacket?

Conor pauses to breathe.

CONOR
Where is it. Give it back.

NEO
I...

Holding the bat with one hand and trying to keep his eyes on Neo to make sure he doesn't try anything funny, Conor changes the destination settings on the ITDT.

Conor grabs Neo and presses the button.

INT – NEO'S CABIN – NIGHT

The two of them materialise in the cabin. Conor sees his really cool leather jacket lying sadly on Neo's bed. He lets go of Neo and grabs for his jacket.

NEO
I was, uh, just going to borrow it.

CONOR
Yeah, right.

Conor puts his jacket on, glaring at Neo.

CONOR
And you probably look stupid in it anyway.

Conor sets the ITDT for home, and vanishes.

NEO
...:(

NEO'S LESS INTERESTING CLOTHES
:( *are underappreciated*

#