Organic Fertiliser

Written by Anakin McFly

"Hi everyone! Know who I am? No, not the pizza, though I have bits of pizza in me. I'm the MANURE. The star of all three BttF movies. But they didn't put my name in the credits. I suppose I couldn't have been able to bear the fame, though.

So I'm the manure. You know, organic fertilizer. That's what some people call me. I think 'manure' sounds better.

You want to know my life story? Well, ok. Actually, the first part is kind of blurry. Anyway, it all started with this cow. Her name was Daisy. One day, she was hungry so she went to eat grass. She found some pizza in the grass so she ate it too. All the food was chewed, mixed with cow saliva and digested.

It went through Daisy's gullet and got swirled round in her stomach where all the important nutrients were passed through the intestinal wall into her blood. The rest got sent through her small intestine, and then the large intestine where the water got absorbed. And then, the most important part... the digested food oozed through her anus, and I was BORN! YAY!

After Daisy took care of my creation, I lay there on the ground for quite a long time. And then, Mr. Jones came to save me! He's my hero! He's also the farmer at Manor Farm. He scooped me up and dumped me into his truck. It hurt. But I couldn't do anything.

You want to know how I know all that? All the facts and stuff? Well, I'll tell you. I get the information from my fellow comrade manure. We have this thing called the MTCS (Manure Telepathic Communications System), and its really good. With it, I can talk to manure from all over the world!

My name is Manny, by the way. Short for Manure. It's a very common manure name. When Mr. Jones dropped me into his truck, I merged with another load of manure. His name was Clarence. We became good friends.

That night, Mr. Jones started driving us somewhere. I didn't know where exactly. Clarence and I chatted through the MTCS during the ride. It was fun.

The truck went into a tunnel. It was so bright! I could see someone flying around on a pink hoverboard. I know it's a hoverboard because one of my manure friends from the future told me. The MTCS can go through time and space, see.

The hoverboard guy was holding onto a car. We were getting nearer and nearer! We were going to crash! The hoverboard guy flew off. But the car continued coming!

"WE'RE GONNA DIE!" Clarence and I yelled through the MTCS. All the manure in the world must have heard us, because we yelled really loud.

We crashed! And we flew through the air and landed on this guy. I didn't like him. He was MEAN. He kept yelling that he hated me. Well, I hated him too. I stuffed myself into his mouth. Humans don't like it when we do that. This one started screaming even more, so I stuffed more of myself into his mouth. Then he swallowed... and I went down, and down, and down...

Clarence and I were separated. I hope he's okay.

Anyway, I journeyed through this guy's digestive system too. His name was Biff. At least, that's what they told me via the MTCS. I've only gone through Daisy's digestive system before, but I've read about this famous load of manure who went through a human before. He wrote a story called 'Journey to the Centre of the Stomach' and posted it on MTCS.net, our official website dedicated to us, the organic fertiliser. It's all about manure! I think it's a great site. The story got 100 reviews.

So I went down this guy's gullet, got swirled around in his stomach, went through his small intestine and ended up in his large intestine where I stayed for a while. I made more friends there! There was this blob of digested food in with me. His name was Clarence too.

Suddenly, I saw this bright light, and I remembered. The worst thing that can happen to manure. The toilet! This guy was going to pass me out! I was scared. No manure has ever survived the toilet before. Maybe I've been reading too many horror stories at MTCS.net, but all manure know that once the water touches us, we're dead.

I was REALLY scared. I told all the other manure about it. They were scared together with me. At least I still have friends.

Something was pushing me! It was trying to make me get out!

"NOOOOOO!" I screamed to the other manure. They told me to hold on, said I could do it, said that if I put my mind to it I could accomplish anything... but I couldn't do anything!

I felt myself falling, falling, falling... and then I splashed into the toilet! I panicked! It was manurekind's worst nightmare! There was water all over me! There was water in front of me! There wa..."

- Transmission Ended -

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