The Llama Song Has You
Written by Anakin McFly
(All to the tune of 'The Llama Song')
- The Agent Song
- The Neo Song
- The Morpheus Song
- The Cypher Song
- The Mero Song
- The Oracle Song
- The Trinity Song
- The Mouse Song
- The Squiddy Song
- The Cookie Song
- The Redpill Song
- The Sati Song
1. The Agent Song
Here's an Agent, there's an Agent
And another hundred Agents
Running Agent, flying Agent
Agent Agent duck.
Agent Agent cleansing Agent
Matrix green reducing Agent
Agent Agent bang bang Agent
Agent Agent duck.
Smith had lots of copies
They all looked the same
Each with suits and shades so cool
The One, they tried to maim
But he totally squashed them
And flew into the sky
So they dream to one day watch
The One collapse and die.
Did you ever see an Agent
Slash an Agent, bash an Agent
Wearing shades affects your vision
Agent Agent duck.
Twice an Agent, thrice an Agent
Lots more Agents, rabbit Agent
Agent in a subway Agent
Agent Agent duck.
Hello Mr. Anderson
Why do you persist
You know we will squash you
So why do you resist?
My hairs' getting thin now
Wish I were an elf
Maybe I should spend less time
Looking at myself.
2. The Neo Song
Here's a Neo, there's a Neo
And another half-dead Neo
Hacker Neo, blank look Neo
Neo Neo duck.
Neo Neo nice shades Neo
Nametag joystick toenail Neo
Neo Neo shoebox Neo
Neo Neo duck.
He lived in the U.S.
Americans are weird
They all spell things funny
At least, that's what I've heard
Neo was the Chosen One
Just like Anakin
You make them fight each other and
I wonder who will win.
Did you ever see a Neo
Break Smith's cool shades, bad move Neo
Fly around the Matrix Neo
Neo Neo duck.
Matrix Neo, Real World Neo
All food tastes like chicken Neo
Morpheus has a bald head Neo
Neo Neo duck.
Why's this song so drawn out?
It's two verses too long
Should have ended long ago
Like The Agent Song
L. and A. Wachowski
Are rolling deep in cash
So go traumatise them
By writing Matrix slash.
Neo Neo red pill Neo
Pillow scotchtape bogus Neo
Wonder if he's dead now Neo
Neo Neo duck.
Neo Neo rhymes with B.O.
Stapler oven keyboard Neo
Cool breeze over mountain Neo
Neo Neo duck.
3. The Morpheus Song
Here's a Morpheus, there's a Morpheus
And another hairless Morpheus
Bald guy Morpheus, bald dude Morpheus
Morpheus has no hair.
Morpheus Morpheus shampoo Morpheus
Tonic skinhead shiny Morpheus
Morpheus Morpheus chrome dome Morpheus
Morpheus has no hair.
When this guy was one day old,
He did not have hair
And though he's now much older,
The hair is still not there
No hair in the Matrix,
Where there is hair galore
Maybe he's just meant to stay
This way forever more.
Did you ever see a Morpheus
Who had hair? Of course not! Morpheus
Prob'ly thinks that having hair jus'
Means you need shampoo.
And of course, we all know shampoo
Costs a lot of money that you
Should spend on things much more useful
Morpheus has no hair.
Throughout Matrix one two three,
Morpheus has no hair
In the Animatrix,
Morpheus has no hair
If you watch the Making Of,
Laurence has no hair
So all of you salesmen dudes
Should sell shampoo elsewhere.
4. The Cypher Song
Here's a Cypher, there's a Cypher
And another bad guy Cypher
Traitor Cypher, no hair Cypher
Cypher, Cypher duck.
Cypher Cypher plastic Cypher
School badge shiny rhino Cypher
Cypher Cypher squeak-squeak Cypher
Cypher Cypher duck.
Cypher was a bad guy
He killed a lot of dudes
Cypher killed a dudette too
And not much rhymes with dudes
Cypher's head is shiny
Just like Morpheus's
They must both have fallen 'neath
The evil no-hair curse.
Did you ever see a Cypher
Pull the plug on Apoc, Cypher
Eat a steak that's juicy, Cypher
Cypher Cypher duck.
Moustached Cypher, ha ha Cypher
Wished he took the blue pill Cypher
Hello Mr. Reagan, Cypher
Cypher Cypher duck.
Now ol' Cypher's dead and gone
'Cos Tank blew him to bits
When poor Morpheus heard the news
He nearly called it quits
Much as he was glad to hear
The end of that 'lil drip,
He realised he was now the only
Bald guy on the ship.
5. The Mero Song
Here's a Mero, zere's a Mero
And anuzzer balding Mero
Eating Mero, French guy Mero
Mero Mero duck.
Mero Mero olive Mero
Dustbin switchboard pencil Mero
Mero Mero ice-cream Mero
Mero Mero duck.
Mero was a Frenchman
Dat's why he spik so weird
He lived in the Chateau
And Mero has no beard
Mero likes to dress in white
It's quite hard to keep clean
That is why he doesn't fight
Just sits there and looks mean.
Did you ever see a Mero
Try to murder Neo, Mero
Mero wears a white suit, Mero
Mero Mero duck.
No shades Mero, nice house Mero
Zere's a fly in ze soup, Mero
Wants eyes of ze Oracle, Mero
Mero Mero duck.
Where'd he end up in the end?
We're not quite sure of this
Maybe he went back to France
His homeland, he must miss
Maybe he's just sick of all
Those people wearing black
And now I've got to end; the teacher's
Standing 'hind my back.
6. The Oracle Song
Here's an Oracle, there's an Oracle
And another quite plump Oracle
Cookie Oracle, swivel Oracle
Oracle Oracle duck.
Oracle Oracle market Oracle
Health care speaker public Oracle
Oracle Oracle airport Oracle
Oracle Oracle duck.
Oracle liked to smoke a lot
'Twas not good for her health
She must have envied Neo's teeth
When she looked in his mouth
She gave Neo a cookie
To rot his teeth a bit
If only Neo knew the truth
About that scheming git.
Did you ever see an Oracle
Burn her fingers, careless Oracle
Stuck 'em in the oven, Oracle
Oracle Oracle duck.
Freshly baked in oven Oracle
Oracle tastes like chicken, Oracle
Eats a lot of candy, Oracle
Oracle Oracle duck
Oracle soon became a Smith
The change was free of charge
(Although it took a little time
'Cos she was kind of large.)
So,
Smith had all the Oracle's powers
And knew the future too
Then Smith got blown up by that guy
Who was played by Keanu.
7. The Trinity Song
Here's a Trinity, there's a Trinity
And another flying Trinity
Dead, alive, and then dead Trinity
Trinity Trinity duck.
Trinity Trinity liquid Trinity
Island apple paintings Trinity
Trinity Trinity carrot Trinity
Trinity Trinity duck.
Trinity was a hacker
And black she always wore
She cracked the IRS D-Base
As well as much much more
Trinity liked to fight in shades
It's cool to not-quite-see
(Though not as cool to not be sure
Just who's your enemy.)
Did you ever see a Trinity
Hair stuck fast with hair gel Trinity
Went in last and got killed Trinity
Trinity Trinity duck.
Hovering Trinity, crane kick Trinity
Murder hapless guard dudes Trinity
Wake up Trinity, get up Trinity
Trinity Trinity duck.
She was the second-in-command
It really was quite fun
'Cause she could order people 'round
Inclusive of The One
She was the girlfriend of The One
He's dead and so is she
Yet Morpheus lives; I bet it's all
One huge conspiracy.
Let's blame Morpheus, let's blame Morpheus
Let's blame Morpheus, let's blame Morpheus
Let's blame Morpheus, let's blame Morpheus
Morpheus Morpheus duck.
8. The Mouse Song
Here's a live Mouse, there's a dead Mouse
Whee, let's go defenestrate Mouse
Keep this PG, don't castrate Mouse
Yay Mouse, go Mouse! duck.
Mouse Mouse cheese Mouse
Clockwork toy Mouse
Leopard chair legs zipper door Mouse
Mouse Mouse moon Mouse
Technophile Mouse
See Mouse, hi Mouse! duck.
You know that woman dressed in red?
Well, she was his creation
And Mouse was very proud of her
To others' consternation
He asked Neo if he would like
To meet her for some fun
(Perhaps he thought it would be good
To suck up to The One.)
Did you ever see a rogue Mouse
Try to sell you deathsticks, bad Mouse
Go home and rethink your life, Mouse
Yay Mouse, go Mouse! duck
Tastes like snot Mouse, Tastee Wheat Mouse
Digital pimp hard at work Mouse
No one makes the first jump, right Mouse?
See Mouse, hi Mouse! duck.
Mouse died fighting for his life
A noble way to die
He died alone with none to hear
His last words or goodbye
The one in red, she didn't save
Her dying creator
So let's all do the right thing and
Put all the blame on her.
Let's blame Morpheus, let's blame Morpheus
Let's blame Morpheus, let's blame Morpheus
Oops wrong guy heck let's blame Morpheus
Morpheus Morpheus duck.
9. The Squiddy Song
Here's a squiddy, there's a squiddy
And another dozen squiddies
Killer squiddy, no good squiddy
Squiddy squiddy duck.
Squiddy squiddy window squiddy
Money wristwatch finger squiddy
Squiddy squiddy nosebleed squiddy
Squiddy squiddy duck.
Squiddies have two purposes:
To search and to destroy
(Though if you stay quite still you may just
Foil their little ploy)
They have these red lights for their eyes
Their tentacles are scary
Though to defeat them isn't hard
Turn on your EMP.
Did you ever see a squiddy
Tango with another squiddy
Fly around in sewers icky
Squiddy squiddy duck.
Slicing squiddy, jabbing squiddy
These aren't from the ocean, squiddy
These ones live in sewers, squiddy
Squiddy squiddy duck.
But now the war is over
And they're all obsolete
Perhaps they'll take up knitting
Or learn to type in 1337
It'll be so very fun to see
Them try to dance ballet
Though it's not likely that things will
Be turning out that way.
10. The Cookie Song
Here's a cookie, there's a cookie
And another dozen cookies
Yummy cookie, tasty cookie
Cookie cookie duck
Cookie cookie oven cookie
Liquid Sasquatch melon cookie
Cookie cookie yoga cookie
Cookie cookie duck
Cookies taste delicious
The virtual ones do, too
Baking cookie's what the Or'cle
Always loves to do
She handed one to Neo
To make him right as rain
And make him fit to face the evil
Agents once again
Did you ever see a cookie
Dipped in coffee, soggy cookie
Let's try new ingredients, likee
Garbage cookie... yuck.
Chocolate cookie, Oreo cookie
Lemon cookie, shortbread cookie
Now I bet you wanna cookie
Cookie cookie duck.
The cookies were the reason
The human race was saved
It's all about the cookies that
The One soon learned to crave
He knew that if ol' Smith won
He'd not taste one again
So that's why Neo gave his all
While fighting in the rain.
But he never got his cookie
'Cos ol' Smithy ain't a rookie
(Though Chewbacca is a Wookiee)
Cookie cookie duck.
So Smith got Neo in the end
But then he died as well
As for his clones around the planet,
One by one they fell
Well, actually they didn't fall
They sort of just exploded
(They could have cut the story short
And done that in Reloaded.)
11. The Redpill Song
Here's a redpill, there's a redpill
And another lot of redpills
Gotta save them, stupid redpills
Redpill redpill duck.
Redpill redpill whoopi redpill
Speaker modem birth pangs redpill
Redpill redpill goldberg redpill
Redpill redpill duck.
One by one they see the truth
About reality
They learn to break or bend the rules
Of things like gravity
And then you've got to save them in
The Path of Neo game
Ensuring that their lives will never
Ever be the same.
Did you ever see a redpill
Who did more than stand there, until
You fought off the bad guys; redpill
Just stood there and cheered
Would be nice if they had fought too
Helped you out a little, 'cause you
Might be Neo, but still then, you
Is just little n00b
But soon the game is over
Your homework still undone
A testament towards your several
Days of X-box fun
Spent freeing redpills round the world
And pwning Agents too
(Though CG Neo in the game
Don't look like Keanu.)
12. The Sati Song
Here's a Sati, there's a Sati
And another ickle Sati
Indian pigtail carwash Sati
Sati Sati duck
Sati Sati point break Sati
Odious happy warcraft Sati
Sati ain't a human Sati
Sati Sati duck
Cookies need a lot of love
Just like everything
Such as purple dinos and
Extreme tobogganing
Sati helped the Oracle bake
This led her to her doom
So kids, you should skedaddle
While Or'cle's in the room.
Did you ever hear a Sati
Say that cookies smelt good, Sati
Smith got her, so goodbye Sati
Sati Sati duck
Sati messed with cookies, Sati
If they're bad it's her fault, Sati
What's she smiling at, that Sati
Creepy Sati duck
Then things went back to normal and so
Sati got de-Smithed
She came to lying on the road
(Bad Jedis are called Sith)
She made a sunrise in the sky
T'was bright and pretty too
All for the sake of some dead guy
Crap, no rhyme... Keanu?
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