The Twisted Diary Entries of Marty Mcfly

Written by Anakin McFly

Prologue

Shortly after the train disappeared into goodness-knows-when, Marty McFly dismantled the photo to discover a secret back. Removing it, he found... a notebook. Or diary, whatever. Chucking the frame (which he couldn't reassemble) away, he accidentally hit Jennifer on the head. Duh, she hit back. And the fatal knock lowered Marty's IQ level by a considerable amount. Undeterred, he continued on with his normal life, now with a diary to record his experiences and stuff... so READ ON, DUDES!

Chapter One: Hi everyone!

28th October 1985

Dear Diary,

My name is Martin Seamus McFly, but everybody calls me Marty. Except for Jennifer, who can't speak properly. I think something happened when I hit her head. Jennifer's my girlfriend. Actually, I don't like her because she's taller than me. But it's all about the money. She's rich. If I can con enough money from her, I can buy a flute. I want to play the flute.

I'm 17 this year. At least, I think so. I lost count a while ago. My math isn't that good. It's because my math teacher is weird. She died of a heart attack last year when she found out that the whole class had failed the exam. I got 23/100. It was the highest in class so my form teacher gave me a sweet. I didn't eat it. If you eat too many sweet things you can get diabetes. So I'm keeping it until I have a whole collection of sweets. Then I can sell it and buy a flute with the money. I want to play the flute. Really.

Actually, the exam was kinda easy, but my favourite pen ran out of ink in the middle of it. I don't like my other pens, so I left the rest of the paper blank and went to sleep. It was fun. I think I'll do it again next time.

My daddy has a BMW car. I tried to drive it once and accidentally crashed into a tree. Some of the white paint came out. I wanted to paint over but I only found green paint. I hope no one notices. I did quite a good job. And my art is better than my math. My art teacher is still alive, too. That day in art class I drew a flute. I really really want to play the flute.

I only know how to play the guitar. I'm the leader of this band known as 'The Pinheads'. Our original name was 'Hi-5', but we couldn't decide whether to spell it as 'High-5' or 'Hi-5'. I prefer 'Hi-5'. It's shorter and easier to spell. So anyway, we're now called 'The Pinheads'. It's even longer than 'High-5'.

If you want to know the truth, I can't play the guitar all that well either and neither can the rest of the band. Most of the time we just pretend to twang the strings while someone else plays nice music in the background. We tried that for the audition yesterday, but someone turned up the sound too much and we got disqualified. I think the teachers aren't very smart. The music was so loud that we all covered our ears and stopped pretending to play, but the teacher's still blamed us for the noise.

So they kicked us out. I don't like them. I don't like the school either, because they won't let me join the band. I want to join so I can play the flute. I want to play the flute because it's so shiny and can be used for swordfights.

I have to go now. A weird looking car just crashed into my tree house.

- Marty

Chapter Two: They crashed my tree house

Dear Diary,

After the strange car crashed into my tree house, it fell off and two people came out. I think they were about my age, though I'm not very sure what that is. The car wasn't damaged, but my poor tree house was. I got so angry that I yelled at the driver. They gave me a weird look. At least, one of them did. The other was busy playing something in his hand. They looked kinda familiar, but I couldn't be sure. Then I remembered: Mummy said that I must not talk to strangers. They might kill me. So I stopped shouting.

Then the older guy asked me if I recognized them. I said that I think so. He asked me why I shouted at them. I told them because they hit my tree house. They both looked at me strangely again, and the younger boy stopped playing whatever he had been playing.

"Jules and Verne Brown, remember?" one of them asked.

"Verne's the one with the Game Boy," he continued.

Verne glared at his older brother and said something about him always hogging their Playstation 10 at home. I asked them what a Playstation was but they wouldn't tell me.

I think I remembered them. The two sons of Doc and Clara, named after duh, Jules Verne. He's the author of one of the books on my school reading list for this year. If a book is on the school reading list, it means you have to read it or teacher will kill you. The teachers always kill me. I guess I shouldn't sleep in class so often.

Anyway, the two boys had their official home somewhere in the 19th century. The last time I saw them was two days ago on the train. They were only 8 and 6 years old then, and they looked much cuter too. I told Verne that and he hit me on the head with his Game Boy. I hope it didn't affect my brain.

Their father's a scientist. He's the guy who invented the time machine in the first place and got me into lotsa trouble. He's got a weird hairstyle, and is also very crazy and very old. Almost as old as Santa Claus. I don't like Santa. He didn't give me a flute for Christmas. I want to play the flute. I like the flute. Santa laughs too much. I think he's mental.

My parents were at work and my siblings were at school, so I let them into the house. I'm supposed to be at school to, but it can wait. Verne sat on the sofa and played his Game Boy. Jules told him to stop playing because he was wasting the battery and their daddy said that there would be no more trips to the future to get new batteries. Verne ignored him. Jules went to the toilet.

So I went outside to look at the car. It was a DeLorean again like the last time. There was also this coffee grinder thing named 'Mr. Fusion' at the back. It looked like fun. I couldn't find any coffee beans to grind, so I made some coffee and poured it into the coffee grinder. It made a weird sound, and when I tried to start the car nothing happened. I hope Jules won't notice.

The last DeLorean time machine got crushed by a train while I was driving it. I got out in time, but the car was destroyed. I guess I'm just not very good with cars. So I went back into the house. Verne was still playing his Game Boy, so I watched him. But I couldn't see anything as his head was blocking. Jules was still in the toilet making strange sounds. I think he was constipated. Then I felt bored and went to write my diary. Jules came out of the toilet and went outside.

I wonder what he's doing. I'm hungry. I was supposed to meet Jennifer today for lunch but I don't dare to go. She might hit me again.

I can't write anymore. I think Jules noticed something, because he just yelled, "MARTY! WHAT DID YOU DO TO THE CAR?!". I have a bad feeling about this. I'm leaving for school right now.

- Marty

Chapter Three: To school and back again

Dear Diary,

I was late for school again. Classes were already over. Maybe I shouldn't have stopped for lunch, but I WAS hungry. Anyway, by the time I reached school only the band was there practicing. There were so many flutes! I want to play the flute. I managed to get into the band room because the music was so loud and they didn't hear me. So I sat in a corner of the room and whistled along to the music. Suddenly the song stopped and the conductor wanted to know who was playing out of tune. I think it was my whistling. So I stopped.

The drum solo was nice. I found this pencil on the floor and used it to hit out the beat on the wall. When I finished, the wall was full of pencil marks. I used my hand to try and rub it out, but it wouldn't come of. Then I used an eraser and tried again. The pencil marks came off, but so did the paint. I was scared someone would notice so I drew smiley faces over the spot where the paint had come off.

Suddenly, someone saw me and got very angry, especially when he saw the smiley faces I had drawn. I don't know why he was so mad. I mean, my art isn't that bad and the smiley faces were kinda cute. Anyway, I got sent to Mr. Stricklands' office. I don't like him. I don't like all of them. Mr. Strickland wasn't in though, so I drew some smiley faces on his table. I still had the pencil, see.

Then I had a tic-tac-toe tournament with myself on the table. I won. Somewhere then, Mr. Strickland came in. He saw me and his desk and started yelling something about vandalizing school property. He sent me for detention.

The detention room was empty. All the teachers had gone home, and all the students too. Except for the band people. I want to join the band. I was bored, so I wrote "HIYA DUDES!" in big letters all over the blackboard. It was so funny. Then no one else came, so I went home.

Jules was fixing the DeLorean. When he saw me, he started demanding to know what on earth I had done to the car. I told him I pored coffee into Mr. Fusion the coffee grinder. I think I shouldn't have said that, because he got really angry. I ran back into the house. Verne was still playing his Game Boy. I think he's addicted. Bye for now.

- Marty

Chapter Four: Nobody calls me chicken

Dear Diary,

Jules finally fixed the DeLorean. All the coffee had somehow got into the flux capacitor, but he managed to pour it out. I thought it was such a waste of good coffee. Anyway, the car works now.

Verne actually stopped playing his Game Boy to look at it. He said he thought it would look nice if we wallpapered the inside of the car with yellow wallpaper. He likes yellow wallpaper. When he was young he would imagine things inside the wallpaper, like creeping women. It gave him nightmares but he still liked it. Jules told me that.

Their daddy doesn't know they came to visit me. If he did, he'd be very angry. They said that they wanted to try sneak out and watch this movie that was banned here. We all know about it. No one is allowed to watch it. There's even security to prevent us from getting out to watch it. I think it's R-rated or something, but Jules said that no R movie was ever banned so strictly. That's why they want to go see it and see what its all about.

I was scared. I didn't want to go with them, but then Jules called me a chicken. So I changed my mind. Nobody calls me chicken.

Talking about chicken, my daddy sued McDonalds yesterday. They came up with this burger, see, called the McChicken. It had chicken in it. That was okay, but then they came up with this burger with insects in it. They called it the McFly. My daddy was REALLY mad. He said that they were giving our family name a bad reputation. So he sued them. They said that we could either get $10000 or 100 free insect burgers.

I wanted the free burgers. They're kind of nice, actually. Especially the part with the fried ants. They're yummy. I like fried ants. But daddy took the money instead. No one ever listens to me.

So now we're rich, and there's no point going out with Jennifer anymore. Maybe daddy will buy me a flute. I want to play the flute. There was another time when I went to visit the band room. When I came in, I accidentally slammed the door. The cymbal person got scolded for coming in at the wrong time. I was scared that he might see me so I went out. The door slammed again. The cymbal person got scolded again.

Anyway, the three of us got into the DeLorean and flew off to watch that movie. It was the only way we were going to get past the security that stopped us from going further than 10 miles any direction from Hill Valley.

I read somewhere that it was because some Geography teachers said that there was no such thing as a hill valley. It was either a hill or a valley. So they wiped the town off the map and made sure no one could get there. Anyone who enters is not allowed to leave, because then they might tell others. Because of the security. I wonder why.

That's why we were going. To try get out. And also to try and somehow watch that movie which was totally and completely banned here. Jules said that it was called 'Back to the Future'. His friend Clarence told him that. Clarence's family was one of those who got past the security and weren't allowed to go out again. He had been going to tell Jules more about the show the next day, but then someone shot him, and Clarence was killed.

This is scary.

The only reason why I'm doing it is because Jules called me a chicken. Nobody calls me chicken.

May the Force be with us.

Bye for now.

- Marty

Chapter Five: Toilet paper is fun!

Dear Diary,

We got through the security! They didn't even see us! So we continued flying about one meter or so until we bumped into something. It was sort of like a BIG cloth which was painted to look like the sky. Jules said it was like The Truman Show. I asked him what that was. He wouldn't tell me. See! No one ever tells me anything. It's not fair.

Verne took out a lightsabre and sliced a hole in the cloth. He got the lightsabre from a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

So we went through the cloth. There were buildings on the other side. We landed the car outside a public toilet and stole toilet paper from inside to cover up the DeLorean. We had enough, but then Verne said that he wanted one roll of toilet paper as a souvenir. There was this guy in one of the toilet cubicles, reading and doing his business. That cubicle held the last roll of toilet paper in the whole toilet.

He didn't see us, so I climbed over and took the toilet paper from inside. He still didn't see us. When we were walking out, I heard screaming sounds. I think that he needed the toilet paper. So we went back to give it to him. Verne was sad. He likes collecting toilet paper. He has this whole set of them at home.

Anyway, Jules wet the paper as a joke and threw the whole roll over to that guy. The wet toilet paper stuck to the ceiling. It was really funny. The guy inside got so mad that he stuck his head through the door.

He was a policeman. I know because he was wearing the uniform. His name was Chrichael J. Floxoyd. It said so on his nametag. He was going to yell at us, but then he saw me and stared at me. I wonder why. Maybe Dave dyed my hair green again like last time. I looked in the mirror to check but my hair wasn't green.

Then Chrichael asked, "Aren't you the guy from b..." He couldn't continue because just then the toilet roll fell off the ceiling and hit him. It was so funny! We ran out of the toilet laughing and went to the nearest cinema to watch our movie.

The ticket person stared at me too. Maybe it was my eyebrows that Dave had dyed green. I wanted to check but there was no mirror nearby. The person asked me what my name was.

"M..." Jules smacked me. "Uh, Clarence."

"Oh." She let us go in, and she still gave me weird looks. Maybe it was my nostril hair that Dave had dyed green. I'm going to kill him when I get home.

The cinema lights just went off. Can't write anymore. Bye.

- Marty

Chapter Six: There aren't any cameras in my house

Hi!

I thought the show was nice. It seemed kinda familiar, but I wasn't sure. The guy there looked like me too, but I don't remember ever being that smart. Jules and Verne kept giving me strange looks throughout the movie. I knew they were after my popcorn. I didn't give it to them. I ate all of it myself. Now I have a stomachache.

Jules and Verne were still acting weird when we left. Jules yanked me out of the cinema before the credits ended. I was sad. I like movie credits. I think all those words are cool, even if I can't read most of them.

Verne started saying something about cameras and people taping us. I didn't know what he was talking about, so I asked. They didn't tell me. See? No one ever tells me anything.

We went back to the DeLorean. It was still covered with toilet paper, and Chrichael was sitting next to it and giving it strange looks. Then he saw us coming and stared at me again. I'm going to kill Dave when I get home.

Chrichael asked me if my name was Michael. I told him my name was Clarence. It works every time.

Then Jules and Verne dragged me into the DeLorean and slammed the door. I hit my head. It hurt.

Then we flew off two hours into the past so that no one would know that we had gone anywhere. I got airsick and puked all over Jules. I don't think he liked it much because he started yelling, so the second time I puked all over Verne instead. They stank real bad when we arrived home. They should bathe more often.

Verne ran into my house and got crazy. He started yelling about cameras again, and went looking for them. I said the only camera in the house was my daddy's, and we weren't allowed to touch it or he'd kill us.

Jules said he thought Verne was going nuts from playing so much Game Boy, but he was looking for cameras too.

I didn't even bother asking them what they were doing, because they wouldn't tell me anyway. All I know is that they were going to get into big trouble when they went home, because the DeLorean was covered with frozen tissue paper. It looks kinda cool, actually.

The doorbell just rang. I think Dave just got home. He's in for it now.

- Marty

To Be Continued...

#