Detective Ludlow will take your questions now.

( faq )


Answers by Anakin McFly unless stated otherwise.


Q: Okay, what's with the dinosaurs.

A: WINM strives towards being the Keanu Reeves fansite with the most dinosaurs. As such, actually having dinosaurs on the site goes a long way towards achieving this goal.


Q: Is this a Keanu hate site or what?

A: No, it's not. We're all fans here. This is not a satirical site. We're not engaging in some elaborate exercise in extreme sarcasm. Really. We're not. Please stop sending us hate mail or fan mail accusing us of being anti-Keanu. It breaks our hearts and makes us cry.


Q: Do you honestly believe that Keanu is a good actor?

A: Yes, we do. He's not perfect and he has had his bad performances, just like every other actor, but there have also been moments where he has been brilliant - strangely, opinion of quality of Keanu's acting in a given film varies from fan to fan and critic to critic - and shown that he can act. Free your mind.


Q: But I really don't think he can act!

A: Fine, then that's your opinion, and we'll respect it. We just ask you to respect ours as well. The purpose of this site and the Keanu SWAT Team isn't so much to change opinions as it is to correct incorrect facts. It's one thing to think that Keanu can't act; it's another to think that he always plays Ted, or says 'whoa' in every film, or has only one expression, or is unintelligent, American, or white. The former is subjective, the latter is factually untrue and can be proven as such. We focus on folks who insist on propagating the latter as the truth and then using that as a jumping point for all sorts of weird and occasionally downright insulting conclusions about Mr. Reeves, all based on falsities.


Q: What happens when you lose a debate over Keanu's acting skillz?

A: Lose? We don't lose! We win! We win! We're the Keanu SWAT Team! That's our job, that's what we do!


Q (from xshimmer): Keanu has fans??

A: Kindly explain your alternate hypothesis regarding how he got so famous.


Q: Are you in contact with Keanu Reeves?

A: No, but it's said that you can sometimes see him if you Google-Earth his house. Or maybe you can't and I'm just saying this so that you'll waste hours trying to spot him by Google-Earthing his house. Hah.


Q: But I want to contact Keanu! Can I send him fanmail through this site?

A: You can try, but he'll never get it. Though on a slow day I might read it for the lulz.


Q: How much time do you spend on the articles archive?

A: It would only frighten you.


Q: Why do you spend so much effort maintaining this site when you could be doing so many other things with your time, such as behaving like a regular teenager and getting drunk, getting high and getting laid?

A: I don't quite know, but I seem to vaguely recall someone saying that thirty more years of this and I can get a tiny pension and a cheap gold watch. That's cool.


Q: Surely the large amount of negative criticism against Keanu's acting has to mean something?

A: Consider the source.


Q: I bet you're just a bunch of cowardly geeks hiding behind their computer screens who wouldn't dare to truly fight a Keanu critic in real life.

A: Yeah, well, real life is overrated. I bet I can pwn you in World in Conflict, and I'm willing to prove it. Pick a server. I'll be there. (See that link? That's my WIC profile. I was once in the top #500 in the world.)


Q: Where do you get the scripts from?

A: Google search and e-mails Scary, dark areas of the Internet that only the bravest surfers dare to tread.


Q: Is it Whoa Is Not Me or Whoa is (Not) Me or WhoaIs(Not)Me whoa is (not) me or whoais(not)me?

A: Good question. I've never quite figured it out.


Q: Kids are starving in Africa and you waste time and effort on a celebrity fansite?

A: Well, it's better than wasting time and effort going on such sites just to insult their creators. Especially with kids starving in Africa and all.


Q: I see I have made an appearance on your Wall of Shame and/or your K-SWAT Archives, and I would prefer not to be there. Can you take it down?

A: Sure. Just drop me an e-mail at admin(at)whoaisnotme.net.


Q: I have an article that's not in your archives and I'd like to give it to you!

A: If it's available online or in soft copy, e-mail it (or a link) to me at admin(at)whoaisnotme.net with article details (title, author, source, date published) included; if you have a hard copy, don't type it out yet because I might already have it - that's happened before and I wouldn't like you to unnecessarily spend time typing it out. Just send me the details and a brief summary of what the article is about. Thanks!


Q: The e-mail address admin(at)whoaisnotme.net doesn't work.

A: That sucks. In that case, send stuff to starwarsisnotdead(at)gmail.com, and tell me that the e-mail address doesn't work. If you're a spambot, shoo. I do not wish to purchase any penis-lengthening herbs, nor do I wish to assist you in your business endeavours for $15 million dollars. (Unless you're Keanu, in which case I totally do. The business endeavours for $15 million dollars, that is, not the penis-lengthening herbs.)


Q: I like your site! How can I support it?

A: Something as small as leaving a comment in the guestbook would be great; and if you can afford it, donations are always welcome. At present, this site runs wholly off the donations of Keanu fans. Expenses currently run at about USD$60 a year for webhosting and the domain name combined. With last year's donations, we should be good for another year if the site stays at more or less at its current capacity. Thanks very much to all who donated. Your contributions are highly appreciated.


Q: I found an article in the archive that I consider offensive and defamatory of Keanu. Could you take it down?

A: I'm just the messenger. My primary job is to get the articles that were out there into the archive, regardless of what they said. All of it contributes in some way to Keanu history, and as such they will be kept in. This is by no means a gesture of support for any article in question.


Q (from AuntieV_aka_Slagg): I have an almost compulsive need to say "Dude" at the end of every sentence. Is this not evidence of true Keanu manifestation? Am I not speaking in tongues?

ckage: No. It's evidence of Tedification. I would stay out of phonebooths if I were you.


Q: What's this fish thing all about?

A: We refer to Keanu critics as fish. We don't quite know why. Here's our Database of Fish, if you are interested.


Q: What's all this 'The Anu' stuff?

A: The name 'Keanu' is of Hawaiian origin, consisting of two roots - 'ke', which means 'the', and 'anu', which means, derivatively, 'cool breeze over the mountain'. Put it together and you get 'keanu', which means 'the cool breeze over the mountain'. Basically the 'ke' is negligible, and everyone who refers to Keanu by the nickname 'Ke' is basically calling him 'The', which I find hilarious and no one else does. It's the 'anu' where the bulk of the meaning of his name rests. Hence, 'The Anu'.


Q: [You must be] either MR. REEVES himself, His beloved wife or family member or an insane fan! Who shall it be? (from buzeeworkerant)

A: Oh all right, I admit it. I'm one of Keanu Reeves' multiple personalities and a long time insane fan of his. Recently we got married in secret in his head and he now counts me as part of his family. If you want proof, I shall give you a photograph of our fingernail, since the Main Personality has declined to let me photograph our toenail. A pity. It was a nice toenail, but he insisted that we chuck it into the trash, and he's the one controlling the limbs.


Q: What?

A: Never mind.


Q: Why can't you just agree that Keanu sucks?

A: But his knee! that deep, expressive knee!


Q: Isn't it obvious that the guy can't act?

A: But his beard! that deep, expressive beard!


Q: How can anyone think he has talent?

A: But his pancreas! that deep, expressive pancreas!


Q: You suck!

A: That's what your mom said.