Cool Breeze Into the Mountain - A tribute to Keanu Reeves' spleen

High up on a mountain all brownish and green
There once was an actor who ruptured his spleen
He got a long scar down his abdomen too
And such goes the sad tale of ol' Keanu.

Past midnight, black darkness ruled this mountainside
And K.C. Reeves thought it'd be great for a ride
The mountain road beckoned and promised good fun
So he set out for there at a quarter to one.

As K.C.'s bike trundled its way on uphill
He thought that no lighting would be a great thrill
He turned off his headlights; excitement was rife
He knew not the danger it posed to his life.

Then all of a sudden, a wham and a bang!
The innocent mountain got crashed into. Dang.
The ambulance came, and they got out a stretcher
(Ignoring the poor injured mountain, I betcha)
They got K.C. up on a stretcher, then dropped it
Which was really unfair for the poor ground that got hit.

So this is why, kids, you should never endeavour
To ride up a mountain road seeking adventure
It does not speak well of the H. Sapien mind
And turning off headlights ain't thrilling, you'll find.

- December 2005



It was actually a song! I composed music for it, and later turned it into the first part of a medley with 'The Keanu Reeves Fight Song'*, which my brother composed music for.

*the chorus goes:
This is the Keanu (x3)
Fight Song (clap clap)

Another (I seem to have a whole collection...):

Don't Throw Keanu in the Water
To the tune of 'Candle on the Water'

Don't throw Keanu in the water
Though he can swim, he might just drown
That'll make him frown
So sadly
Please don't treat him badly
KC Reeves was born to live on land

Don't throw Keanu in the water
They're full of sharks - an evil thing
He walks in clouds
Not water
Though they're sorta water
But you cannot drown in clouds I think

Don't let the surfer movies fool you
Don't let "Life Under Water" sway your mind
"Lake House" and "River's Edge" are fiction
Keep him far from wet
His time's not quite up yet;

Don't throw Keanu in the water
It's dangerous and he might die
Life jackets don't
Work always
Lifeguards too have off-days
Keep him dry, far away inland
And far from sea or sand
So that he'll never drown
(drown drown drown)
So that he'll never drown
(drown drown drown)
So that he'll never-

Drown

- 31st May 2008

I would also like to apologize if any of you thought I was putting down Mr. Reeves. I was not. What I was trying (and failed) to say, is Keanu Reeves portrays a certain type of man who is more logic than emotion, and I love him for it. I identify with him more than any other actor. Others have put him down for not "being able to act" but in my eyes way too many actors "over-act."

I have especially loved his recent overseas movies. Man of Tai-Chi was AWESOME-truly the best movie I've seen in several years. I've recommended everyone I know to see it. It was superbly paced, and incredibly planned. For his directorial debut, he freaking NAILED it. I also found his fighting in the movie extremely well done and realistic. He didn't overdo it. Too often tall American's try to emulate Asian superstars and throw in moves they really can't pull off and in all honesty are not made for men of a certain height. It would have looked comical if Keanu tried to match the agility of the Asian leading man, but instead he knew what he could do, and he did it strongly, and straight-forward... which is exactly what anyone should do in an actual fight, so I was a fan.

I also have recently watched "a walk in the clouds," where I got to see the softer side of K.R. I was completely convinced that "Here...here was a man in love!" More convinced than most "leading men" in other romance movies would sway me- most seem to give the performance they know women want to see, but really is not the male reality. It was a great movie.

LucaM, I sincerely apologize for peeing on you. It will not happen again. I wish I could go back in time and either stop myself, or at the very least bring you a towel and apologize when I came to my senses. Also: sorry if I seemed disrespectful to K.R.

I'm glad you saw the awesomeness of Man of Tai Chi. Means there's hope for you yet ;)

However, sincere apologies cannot change the fact that words, once uttered or typed, cannot be taken back. And you're right, drunkenness is not an excuse; besides, as psychologists say, inebriated people lose social inhibitions and act upon their genuine impulses. So bottom line is, you've typed it, you've meant it. Let's leave it at that.

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I was completely convinced that "Here...here was a man in love!" More convinced than most "leading men" in other romance movies would sway me- most seem to give the performance they know women want to see, but really is not the male reality.

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That's a really important distinction. Thank you for the insight.

@Ani:That poem sent me under the table laughing :-) :-). Composition? Ssoon to be released or i did i miss a link?

@neaura - I found a few really bad recordings of that song I did around 2008. The audio is horrible and the singing is worse, so I might try and do a new recording one of these days...

I agree with what you said about the way most actors play a romantic leading man role. They're often not willing to play true goodness and vulnerability, which makes me wonder why the leading ladies fall for them at all.

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- 31st May 2008

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You were inspired on my birthday. Great poems Ani.