Keanu Saves the World

Written by Anakin McFly

"No, dear friends," Keanu declared. "Go on without me. I shall give my life to reverse the polarity of the neutron flow."

His companion redshirts looked on in bafflement. "But sir," whispered one, "you're immortal. You can't die."

Keanu smiled gravely, a twinkle in his eye. "Precisely," he whispered; and then let loose a glorious cry, and charged towards the quietly recumbent Daleks.

The resounding victory for all humankind was soon reported by all the tabloids in the world. If not for Keanu, all of Earth would have been exterminated for good.

"Keanu get any bigger?" the Daily Mail joked.
"A portly Reeves does stuff with robots or something," another said.
"Lay off the pies, dude," another chided.
"ew he's getting ugly," complained a fan on Tumblr, who then publicly renounced their love of Keanu until he became hot again.

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